The Miracle of Forgiveness

Today for #lighttheworld I decided to tell my forgiveness story. I'm just throwing it out there because I hope that it touches at least one person. Forgiveness is hard! It shouldn't be but it is. Let's rewind 20 years. I was newly divorced from someone that was making horrible choices. I decided I didn't want to live that way and we should both go our separate ways, or so I thought. I truly thought it could be cordial, and that we could co-parent, and that it would be ok, I was so wrong. When there is anger, frustration, and hard feelings, there is no way to be cordial. Little did I know it would take years and years for that to happen.
There was lots of anger from my ex-family. It didn't matter what I did, I was wrong in their eyes. They took their sons side, like they should have, however they took all of his choices out on me. Needless to say I hated my ex and I hated his choices. I hated how he spoke to me, I hated how he hated me, I hated how he ditched the kids and didn't have enough energy for them. I was bitter and angry and it was literally consuming me. Ironically enough I ran into one of his uncles that told me that he had always been the black sheep of the family and that he was trying to forgive his own dad. He stated that he learned that you had to pray for the person you were trying to forgive for 21 days in a row. Well I kind of laughed because that is the last thing that I was planning on doing. I hated him and that was all there was to it. Months went by and i kept thinking about that conversation. I decided at the first of the year that I would start calling the temple and put his name on the prayer roll. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall, because the first time I called, I could barely say his name into the phone. I wasn't very happy and the hate was still consuming me. I called day after day. I couldn't call on Sunday or Monday but every other day I would call and put his name on the prayer roll. Slowly my heart started to soften. I was thinking about other things and not letting the hate consume me. I then started to put his mom's name on the prayer roll, then his sisters, and his dad, and his wife. I started to have empathy in my heart and the miracle of forgiveness started to work. I continued putting their names on the prayer roll for years and years and actually I still to this day continue. 13 years after our divorce, his mom wrote me a note that said "A lot of time has passed, a lot of feelings have left. I want you to know I love my grand-kids and that you are a good mom." It took 13 years for this letter to come!! That is the power of prayer and forgiveness. Do you want to feel peace in your life? Forgive....When you hold a grudge or hold onto those feelings, it is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I was guilty of this and it was not a good feeling. 

 

Fast forward 15 years to my daughters wedding reception. I seriously would have never thought that we could host an event together or ever be in the same room together. I always had this on the back of my mind. I wondered how his sisters would treat me, and how his parents would treat me. Would all of those years of them blaming me, and not looking me in the eye really be ok? My heart had been changed, softened and healed, but had theirs? I can truly say that the healing was on both sides. It started with the letter, and then it happened with his sister. She helped me decorate, and make decorations for the reception. She was an important key in this healing process. The night before the reception me and my ex decorated and it was fun. He was really helpful and it wasn't awkward at all. The night of the reception during the Dad-Daughter dance, my ex made eye contact with my husband and called him over during the middle of the song. He gave him a hug and told him thank you for being there when he couldn't be and turned the dance over to him. That moment made me realize that Heavenly Father is aware of us. He knows what we need and that we need time to heal. I did my part and then the miracle of forgiveness did the rest. Prayer is real! I promise from the bottom of my toes that if you pray for someone that has hurt you, betrayed you, or anything else to make you sad, you will find peace and understanding. You will be able to move forward and you will heal. 

If you want to call the temple and put a name on the prayer roll, here is the Ogden, Utah phone number 801-621-6880. Here is the Salt Lake City, Utah phone number 801-240-2640. Just tell them that you would like to put a name on the prayer roll, and they will transfer you to the correct person. There is power when you forgive. It is easier to let go of those feelings and you too can discover the miracle of forgiveness. 

 

The Gift of Being Broken

There are times I read an article and it just hits home. I think about it often, and can't get it off of my mind. The other day I read an article titled the gift of being broken. It starts off by saying "Sometimes I just feel broken". I related to that story and was intrigued by the title. Being broken is a gift?  I look at my life and see all of the ways I fall short....all of the things I said I would do, but I didn't, and all of the expectations I had for myself that were not fulfilled. I see my weaknesses and wonder if I am good enough. It's taken me my whole life to realize that the trails that made me feel broken, are actually what has strengthened me. I've learned how to forgive. I've learned to love others that have not been kind to me. I've learned to rely on my Heavenly Father. I have learned how to forgive myself. I've learned that it's ok to love myself. I've learned that I am good enough. I've learned to reach out to others and I've learned that we all feel broken sometimes.
Brokenness is a gift because it's what connects us to each other. Sharing our stories connects us with others and somehow through the process we both can heal. I am thankful for the title I carry of being broken because I am able to be my Savior's hands. I can reach out to others and make a difference. Are you like me and wonder if you can help someone else through life's journey?  I have times that I wish I wouldn't have had to go through a certain trial, or heartache, or disappointment, but because of those trials, I am strong and I can help others. You've been through hard things and that is exactly why you are strong too. We all need each other to get through life. Use your gifts.....Be the lighthouse in someone's storm.

Throw back to Jaws 1979 and a little encouragment

Shark week is next week and I saw a picture they were using for advertising. It reminded me of being in Universal Studios in 1979. Jaws was the big deal at the time and we went on the tour to see Jaws. We went with Troy's family. It was the Wheelwright's and the Thompson's.  We were sitting in the Universal Studios tour bus going through the park, first we went through the bridge and the sides fell down, and that was a big deal, and then we headed toward the water to see Jaws. We went through the middle of the water and it somehow parted for us to drive through and then here comes Jaws. He was heading right toward us. I stood up and took this awesome picture. The funny part about it was Troy was on the other side of the tour bus and he stood up to take a picture too. He took a picture of the back of my head. He was so mad at me. I felt bad but I printed a copy of this awesome picture and gave it to him. Another funny part of this story is that this picture is his copy. He still has it after all of these years. I'm sure if they still had a shark in Universal Studios it would be way better than this one, but in 1979 this was a big deal. Graphics have come a long way, right?

 

This van was supposed to be really lightweight and I was trying to lift it up but I couldn't. Troy came over to help me, but he just barely touched it and it lifted. You can tell by the look on his face that he thinks I am so annoying. 

I love the fact that I have known Troy my whole life. He has always been the person I have had a crush on. I love how hard he works for our family. He is always giving to everyone. What a great example of being selfless, and he always making sacrifices so we can have a great life. 

There are times in our lives when we feel strong and everything is on track  but there are times when we feel vulnerable and weak because life throws a curve ball at you. We need to look out for each other. Your example may be a great strength to someone whom you may not even be aware of. He or she may be experiencing a difficult challenge, and your friendship and prayers may make all of the difference. I hope you know that you are blessed and that love is something that can always get you through hard times. Always remember that you cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make. Reach out to others! #preach

 

#HumbleandKind

What if everything you said came back to you? Something amazing that you just said about the person standing next to you. Give it a try. You want more friends? Watch what you say. When you are saying kind, uplifting and inspiring things, it will come back to you. I have been trying to make this a year of women empowering women. Saying kind things and using my words to uplift others. Interestingly enough, it has come back to me. I caught the words I was using and good has been coming from it. 

I love the new song by Tim McGraw titled Humble and Kind. In an interview he stated that he wanted to remind his daughters about being humble and kind. There's so much wisdom in this song. Here are just a few of the suggestions: 

Visit Grandpa every chance you get, Hold the door, say please, say thank you, don't steal, don't cheat, don't lie, Don't hold a grudge and here's why bitterness keeps you from flyin. When you get where you are going don't forget to turn back around and help the next person one in line. Always stay humble and kind.

Some days are tough. You might not feel like being nice, but I promise that as you go through your day and really truly try to make others feel important, you will be blessed. Prayers are often answered through another person. Stay humble, stay kind, and make a difference. 

Birthday gratitude

Today I turn 46. I am lucky to have a birthday at the first of the year because it is a time of new beginnings and a fresh start. For my birthday last year I did 45 random acts of kindness for my birthday. I started doing this because birthdays were not my favorite thing. I didn't like the extra attention and it was January and it seemed like we were all overwhelmed with Christmas just getting over. I wanted to do start something that would make my birthday meaningful. I wanted to start a new tradition to do something where I was serving others on my birthday. This year I came up with the idea to write 46 letters to thank some of my family and friends. My heart is so full of love and I wanted to let everyone know how much I cared about them. I started writing the letters a few weeks ago. I would see someone that I had written a letter to and it made me so excited to mail them in time for my birthday. I have had such awesome feelings and memories come to my mind and it has made me so happy. I have had fun reminiscing and thinking about my friends and family. I have had so many fun adventures and so many people have helped me. I try to tell others how I love them and how much they mean to me, but this was different and planned. I am so blessed and lucky to be surrounded by amazing people. So many that have helped me with my kids, and just helped me to be a better person.

This year is going to be great! I will continue to write letters and tell others how much I love them. I hope to inspire others to build each other up. Be happy for one another. Look for the good in others. I am excited for this journey and excited to share it with all of you!