The Miracle of Forgiveness

Today for #lighttheworld I decided to tell my forgiveness story. I'm just throwing it out there because I hope that it touches at least one person. Forgiveness is hard! It shouldn't be but it is. Let's rewind 20 years. I was newly divorced from someone that was making horrible choices. I decided I didn't want to live that way and we should both go our separate ways, or so I thought. I truly thought it could be cordial, and that we could co-parent, and that it would be ok, I was so wrong. When there is anger, frustration, and hard feelings, there is no way to be cordial. Little did I know it would take years and years for that to happen.
There was lots of anger from my ex-family. It didn't matter what I did, I was wrong in their eyes. They took their sons side, like they should have, however they took all of his choices out on me. Needless to say I hated my ex and I hated his choices. I hated how he spoke to me, I hated how he hated me, I hated how he ditched the kids and didn't have enough energy for them. I was bitter and angry and it was literally consuming me. Ironically enough I ran into one of his uncles that told me that he had always been the black sheep of the family and that he was trying to forgive his own dad. He stated that he learned that you had to pray for the person you were trying to forgive for 21 days in a row. Well I kind of laughed because that is the last thing that I was planning on doing. I hated him and that was all there was to it. Months went by and i kept thinking about that conversation. I decided at the first of the year that I would start calling the temple and put his name on the prayer roll. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall, because the first time I called, I could barely say his name into the phone. I wasn't very happy and the hate was still consuming me. I called day after day. I couldn't call on Sunday or Monday but every other day I would call and put his name on the prayer roll. Slowly my heart started to soften. I was thinking about other things and not letting the hate consume me. I then started to put his mom's name on the prayer roll, then his sisters, and his dad, and his wife. I started to have empathy in my heart and the miracle of forgiveness started to work. I continued putting their names on the prayer roll for years and years and actually I still to this day continue. 13 years after our divorce, his mom wrote me a note that said "A lot of time has passed, a lot of feelings have left. I want you to know I love my grand-kids and that you are a good mom." It took 13 years for this letter to come!! That is the power of prayer and forgiveness. Do you want to feel peace in your life? Forgive....When you hold a grudge or hold onto those feelings, it is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I was guilty of this and it was not a good feeling. 

 

Fast forward 15 years to my daughters wedding reception. I seriously would have never thought that we could host an event together or ever be in the same room together. I always had this on the back of my mind. I wondered how his sisters would treat me, and how his parents would treat me. Would all of those years of them blaming me, and not looking me in the eye really be ok? My heart had been changed, softened and healed, but had theirs? I can truly say that the healing was on both sides. It started with the letter, and then it happened with his sister. She helped me decorate, and make decorations for the reception. She was an important key in this healing process. The night before the reception me and my ex decorated and it was fun. He was really helpful and it wasn't awkward at all. The night of the reception during the Dad-Daughter dance, my ex made eye contact with my husband and called him over during the middle of the song. He gave him a hug and told him thank you for being there when he couldn't be and turned the dance over to him. That moment made me realize that Heavenly Father is aware of us. He knows what we need and that we need time to heal. I did my part and then the miracle of forgiveness did the rest. Prayer is real! I promise from the bottom of my toes that if you pray for someone that has hurt you, betrayed you, or anything else to make you sad, you will find peace and understanding. You will be able to move forward and you will heal. 

If you want to call the temple and put a name on the prayer roll, here is the Ogden, Utah phone number 801-621-6880. Here is the Salt Lake City, Utah phone number 801-240-2640. Just tell them that you would like to put a name on the prayer roll, and they will transfer you to the correct person. There is power when you forgive. It is easier to let go of those feelings and you too can discover the miracle of forgiveness.